Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Mom's Mobile Phone and the Cryogenics Lab

Mom would be mortified if people thought this was her main refrigerator. It's not. It's a spare fridge in the garage
Making fun of your mother’s technological naivete is the lowest form of humor. But I’ve never claimed to be high-brow.

So not only does my mom, Susan Jacobson, still think it’s a great idea to refrigerate batteries, she also believes she should preserve her old cellphone there. And its power supply.

But wait, it gets worse.

Mom loved her old cellphone. I think she purchased it just slightly after Queen Elizabeth’s coronation. But that sucker just wouldn’t break.

When the phone was about 10 years old, it needed a new battery, so she took it to the store and the young man behind the counter, well, he laughed at her. And when he disappeared behind the door, we can only imagine what he told his pimply little friends back there.

Fast forward to about 2011, when Mom wanted something just slightly smarter so she could get email. Whatever she got, she hated it.

I mean, this is the lady who labels her router “router” so she knows what it is when tech support tells her to unplug the router (pic below).

Anyway, she hates the new phone and wants the other one back, so she takes them both back to the store and the kid – the one who laughed at her – said no can do. They can’t recommission that old thing (the phone, that is). It’s no longer supported.

Surely one day they will find the technology to revive the phone.

Hence the cryogenics.
And so she doesn’t mistake it for a candy bar and accidentally eat it ...

Friday, December 28, 2012

Merry Christmas, Jews!

This took me a few minutes before I LOLed but here's the communication between my sister and the planner of the b'nai mitzvah of my twin niece and nephew:

[Planner] We are delighted to have the opportunity of hosting the upcoming Bar Mitzvah …
[Sister] Can you please change the name of the event to B’nai Mitzvah?
[Planner] I hope you and your family had a Merry Christmas! I have put the request in to change the name to say B’nai Mitzvah.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Canine swimmers

So I saw this car in Carlsbad, Calif., celebrating years of collecting canine semen, and it made me wonder: What kind of pictures does the cryobank provide to stimulate ... well, you know.

I found a few possibilities:

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Contextual ads: Where did THAT come from?

Gee, Thanks


Goodbye Menopause Weight


Double Whammy:
1) Plus size
2) Dresses

Plus-Size SALE! (October)





You So Don't Know Me!


Me? Calvin Klein?

Save on Calvin Klein

Like maybe if
this were a backpack

Dooney & Bourke at Zappos
Shop the hottest styles at Zappos®. Free shipping & free returns!

I don't give gifts. Duh.

Citibank US
Concert or event tickets can be great holiday gifts, what's on your gift list?
Citi Car...

Because I have such
fond memories of HS

Class Pictures From …

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Fiscal conservative/social liberal guide to Calif. Ballot Props 2012

For the 2012 general election, you can find the official Republican voter guide here and the official Democratic voter guide here. If you fall somewhere in between but tend to the right, try the American Independent party voter guide here.

I'm not a Republican or a Democrat or an Independent (judging by their ballot endorsements).

I am a fiscal conservative and social liberal. The closest voter guide for that comes from California Libertarian Jonathan Jaech. His explanations make perfectly good sense in my book, and I followed all of his recommendations except for Props 32 and 40, which I don't entirely understand.

If you're a fiscal conservative/social liberal like me, definitely check out Jaech's thoughtful analysis of the props.

This whole ballot proposition thing is new to me, having just moved to California from Minnesota. I studied the them pretty diligently and here's how I voted.

  • Prop 30: NO (Nonsensical tax hikes)
    Prop 31: no opinion (Frankly, I don't understand the issues on this one)
  • Prop 32: YES (Bars corporations and unions from distributing mandatory wage deductions to political causes. Yes, it is seen as a union-bashing initiative since corporations can't take wage deductions, but why not just let individual union members decide who to support? Does a vehement abortion-rights foe want his wages going to Obama?)
  • Prop 33: YES (Rewards responsible drivers who switch car insurance companies.)
  • Prop 34: YES (Eliminates death penalty. Regardless of moral stance, the death penalty is massively more expensive than life without parole. Furthermore, eliminating the death penalty keeps families from having to relive the crime over and over again, often for decades.)
  • Prop 35: NO (Looks good on surface – increasing human trafficking penalties – but overly criminalizes even the mildest sexual “offenses” like consensual sex for pay. Furthermore, the wording is hazy and overly broad.)
  • Prop 36: YES (liberalizes the overly-harsh, cruel-and-unusual three-strikes law)
  • Prop 37: NO (new food labeling law seems like a good idea but it's arbitrary and ill-conceived)
  • Prop 38: NO (more crazy tax hikes)
  • Prop 39: NO (increases tax burden on multistate companies who provide jobs in Calif., creating an even harsher business climate.)
  • Prop 40: no opinion 
If you don't agree with me ... vote anyway!

Friday, October 26, 2012

Reader: 'Just horrible writing in general'

Love this comment someone posted on my iPad Mini blog:

Wow.... the article lack any real content. Just horrible writing in general with misleading titles. We need new writers on new topics that stay focused and organized. Reading the above article left me bewildered and dissapointed.

Check out more comments from the Insults dept.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Frank Lloyd Wright meets Klingon Empire in one sick smart house

I've got my own high-tech Frank Lloyd Wright-inspired (for sale, if you're interested), but it's nothing like this whacked out Stamford, Conn., home featured on

Somewhere, I can hear Donnie & Marie singing, "I'm a little bit Frank Lloyd Wright" ... "I'm a little bit Klingon Empire" ...

CE Pro has some awesome photos of the smart house, which features Lutron automated lights and motorized shades, Crestron energy management and home automation, Seura TV mirrors and tons of other technology in every room of the house including the golf practice room, exercise room, both home offices, craft area, wine cellar, library ....

But my favorite thing in the house is this obscenely clever keypad hidden in Douglas Adams's The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide.


Check out the full story and slideshow at

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

China's 'leftover' women: What to do if he has an affair

Photo: Anja Disseldor
A bunch of older, unattractive Chinese women find themselves in the unenviable category of the unwed.

Fortunately these women have advocates in China’s state feminist agency, the All-China Women’s Federation.

The agency, as reported in the New York Times, has some excellent advice for women who have sought further education because they're too ugly to find husbands without such an advantage -- the so-called "leftover" women.

While it is directed towards Chinese women, certainly these pearls of wisdom would apply to women of other nationalities as well:

Pretty girls don’t need a lot of education to marry into a rich and powerful family, but girls with an average or ugly appearance will find it difficult. These kinds of girls hope to further their education in order to increase their competitiveness. The tragedy is, they don’t realize that as women age, they are worth less and less, so by the time they get their M.A. or Ph.D., they are already old, like yellowed pearls.
Many highly educated “leftover women” are very progressive in their thinking and enjoy going to nightclubs to search for a one-night stand, or they become the mistress of a high official or rich man. It is only when they have lost their youth and are kicked out by the man, that they decide to look for a life partner. Therefore, most “leftover women” do not deserve our sympathy. 
The main reason many girls become “leftover women” is that their standards for a partner are too high … As girls are not too picky, finding a partner should be as easy as blowing away a speck of dust. 

When holding out for a man, if you say he must be rich and brilliant, romantic and hardworking ... this is just being willful. Does this kind of perfect man exist? Maybe he does exist, but why on earth would he want to marry you?
When you find out that he is having an affair, you may be in a towering rage, but you must know that if you make a fuss, you are denying the man “face” ... No man is capable of spending a lifetime being loyal to an outmoded wife who never changes ... Try changing your hairstyle or your fashion. Women must constantly change for the better.

Read the complete hilarious-if-it-weren't-so-pathetic article by Leta Hong Fincher, an American doctoral student in Tsinghua University’s Department of Sociology.